Marry not an Engineer

An Engineer

Found this on a post on http://xperiencematters.wordpress.com/ which cites http://www.cvaieee.org/html/humor/marry_not_an_engineer.html as the source where the writer in turn says he first saw this on a little yellow card distributed by Schweber Electronics in the late 1960′s. Whatever the source this is damn funny.

Verily, I say unto ye,
marry not an engineer.
For an engineer is a strange being
and possessed of many evils.

Yea, he speaketh always in parables
which he calleth formulae.
He wieldeth a big stick
which he calleth a slide rule.
And he hath only one bible,
a handbook.

He thinketh only of strains and stresses,
and without end of thermodynamics.
He showeth always a serious aspect
and seemeth not to know how to smile.
He picketh his seat in a car by the springs thereof
and not by the damsels.

Neither does he know a waterfall
except by its horsepower,
Nor a sunset
except that he must turn on the light,
Nor a damsel
except by her weight.

Always he carrieth his books with him,
and he entertaineth his sweetheart with steam tables.
Verily, though his damsel expecteth chocolates when he calleth,
She openeth the package to discover samples of iron ore.

Yea, he holdeth her hand
but to measure the friction thereof,
and kisseth her
only to test the viscosity of her lips,
for in his eyes shineth a far away look
that is neither love nor longing,
but a vain attempt to recall formulae.

Even as a boy, he pulleth a girl’s hair
but to test its elasticity.
But as a man,
he deviseth different devices.
For he counteth the vibrations of her heartstrings
And seeketh ever to pursue his scientific investigations.

Even his own heart flutterings
he counteth as a measure of fluctuation.
And his marriage is but a
simultaneous equation involving two unknowns.
And yielding diverse results.

Verily, I say unto ye,
marry not an engineer.

English Memsaab

Major languages of India. Image courtesy: mapsofIndia.com

Staying away from your home and hometown teaches you a lot! One such important lesson is communicating in sign language or broken sentences in an unknown language to get your point across to the other person. Esp. in a country like India where language changes every few hundred kilometres. If I take just one example of Karnataka state, the languages spoken are mainly Kannada, Tulu and Konkani ( later two by minority population mostly in coastal Karnataka).  Even the Kannada spoken is not similar throughout the state and dialects are so different that people find it difficult to understand each other at times. Again the Konkani and Tulu are spoken differently by different sects who speak the language. As a country we have so many languages and dialects that WordPress dictionary shows them as spelling errors as I type most of the names here.

I remember, having to ask directions in Trivandrum, where people understood English but the problem was they couldn’t get the way we pronounced the names of the places and ended up giving wrong directions and sending us, at times, in the exact opposite direction of where we intended to go. We would finally manage to get hold of one person who spoke and understood ‘our English’.  It is one of those unfortunate moments when you thank the British for having ruled us (at least they have given us a common language:English)

Now I stay in Bangalore, which is the capital city of Karnataka. My mother tongue being Kannada, I thought, now I am done with broken communication but life has other plans. My PG owner is a Tamil native and hence most of the cooks who come to our PG to cook are from small distant villages in Tamil Nadu and know only Tamil. If you happen to drop by on one of the weekday mornings into our PG, you will notice an earthling v/s alien like situation. Two people blabbering away at each other and looking at each other in wonder. And they part ways again talking, this time to themselves. One of these people is our cook and other could be any of the other inmates.

Fortunately we have a couple of girls who speak Tamil, who come to our rescue once in a while. On one such occasions our cook exclaimed to my other PG-mate(in Tamil of course) while pointing at me, “How is this girl going to manage after marriage, She doesn’t know Tamil, does she intend to speak in English with her husband and in-laws?” I have faced “What is this girl going to do after marriage?!” many a times before but this time it was for an entirely different new reason. The innocent gal doesn’t even know other languages are spoken in India or that B’lore is in Karnataka whose official language is Kannada or that so many non-kannadigas also stay here and it is ok to be so.  She has also taken upon herself the responsibility of teaching the poor me some Tamil and kindly extended the invitation to attend her brother’s marriage in her home town.

Yesterday, was the icing on the cake. She told me another assumption she had made about me and another friend of mine. That initially she thought we were ‘foreigners’ I couldn’t respond coz I was busy laughing.

Of all the confused identities this one takes the crown!  :D

Urban Shots – Book Review

Urban Shots is an anthology of short stories. Writing short stories is a tricky terrain. The writer needs to introduce the characters, tell the story, make a connection with the reader and give/imply a conclusion all within a few pages. If not written well, they just leave the reader hanging in there. Even when written nicely, it leaves you wanting for more.

Urban Shots

Urban life is defined by busy mornings, chaotic traffic, bustling through the crowds, vying for space and time. This modern-day Indian urban life filled with optimism, ambitions and on the flip side a stressful life where space and time are a luxury, lends itself perfectly to the short story format. The tales here are written by multiple authors, from multiple cities and from multiple perspectives giving you a peek into urban relationships, bringing you all different flavors of Urban shots.

The book is compilation of 28 stories by 13 different Indian authors edited by Paritosh Uttam. This is the début book of Grey Oak Publications India. The authors are from various backgrounds including Kainaz Motivala of ‘Wake Up Sid’ fame. These tales are very much relate-able. After all it is about relationships, love, friendship, pain, marriage and infidelity. The stories are put into sections Relationships, Love, Friendship, Angst and Longing giving the set of stories a sort of flow.

My top favorites tales were “Apple Pie and Grey Sweater” by Prateek Gupta, “Replay” by Paritosh Uttam and Malathi Jaikumar’s Liberation. Angst my fave section and the top author is clearly Paritosh Uttam.

Apple pie and Grey Sweater is a story about two friends Prayas and Purvi who are friends from their college  time and have a thing for each other but haven’t confessed to each other or probably don’t even know that they love each other. Now after college, Prayas lives in Pune and Purvi in Bangalore. Prayas has had a particularly tiresome day when Purvi calls up to say she’s getting married.  He is taken by surprise and just manages to congratulate her and ask if she is happy. The call brings back all the memories of how they met and all the time spent together and how much he likes her. Does he manage to confess his love for her, does she reciprocate, Do they get hitched? Read to find out.

Replay is about Lata, a gullible woman from Mumbai who trusted people, once married and then abandoned for another woman. A replay of one situation in her life helps her resolve the dilemma in another one. In an instant she knows just what to do.

Liberation is about an uneducated woman in Chennai, married with two kids and an abusive husband. How she finds a solution to put an end to her misery and comes out a liberated woman is the story.

The others that I liked reading where Serendipity, Stick figures, A cup of tea, Effacing memories, Mood for love, Trail and Error. I also liked Ahmed Faiyaz’s style of writing. The rest are ok. The only ones that let me down were ‘Women in Love’ and ‘The Enlightened One’.

If you like reading Indian authors and enjoy short stories, this one is for you. Even if you are not the kind who enjoys short stories, give it a try. A good read on the go. A small dose of fiction, every now and then will brighten up your day

This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

Worth Reading

Came across this link and found it interesting. Do read it.

http://lifegems4marriage.com/2010/09/10/we-all-married-the-wrong-person/

The Big Fat Indian Wedding

Come May and you see your inbox/mailbox flooded with Wedding invitations.Indian weddings(“The Big Fat Indian Wedding”)  are an elaborate affair lasting for a week, sometimes upto a month!!!. It is a cycle of feasts and exchange of gifts in one’s own family as well as between bride’s and the groom’s family. The weeklong extravaganza comprises of different poojas and ceremonies. They are characterised by colorful sarees( invariably silk sarees in case of South India), flowers, fragrances, music (esp . Shehnaai ), kids playing around and hustle and bustle of the large crowd gathered. With the kind of disposible income in India now marriage extravaganza is at its peak. Esp. in the NRI community weddings are a symbol of your social standing and community sentiment. In fact this also became the subject of a Discovery Channel documentary.Some places where dowry has ceased to be a demand, groom’s family insist on a lavish wedding.

When it comes to marriage customs, India is truly a sub continent. The customs vary based on caste and region. But there are some common threads running among almost all of them. All marriages consider Agni Devta(God of Fire) as a witness to the marriage and hence involves a agni kund [1] (check out the significnace section at the end). The poojari(priest) says all the mantras, sometimes explaining the meaning of the same and the bride, the groom and their families oblige to all the rituals as told by the priest( I don’t know if the poojaris themsleves know the significance of all the rituals).  When the poojari announces everybody throws rice(covered in kumkum and haldi) on their heads. As you go towards South of India marriages are quieter, extravagant nevertheless. Mehendi and shoe-stealing[2], customs of North-Indian marriages, have become an integral part of all marriages now( Thanks to the hindi movies like Hum Aapke Hai Kaun). 

Hosts(usually the girls side) take care that all the guests are fed well ( meaning overfed). More often than not the guests are spoilt for choice( tht is a part of definition for a good wedding ceremony). It is mostly lunch, but also dinner in Northern part of India where marriages start after 10.

For the people getting married, it is union of the two souls and celebration of the moment. But for the others it is an occasion to dress-up , show off your jewellery, family get-together, feasting( dieting is a sin during marriages), for kids it is an occasion to meet lots of other kids and play around when the elders are busy with the customs/rituals. For the event management companies, the mantap owners, the flower seller, even the poojari and the like it is a business opportunity. Bridal wear and Bridal jewellery collection is another story altogether. A different saree for every occasion, matching accessories ( bangles, necklace(s), toe ring, nose ring, mang tikka ( forehead), bajuband( worn on the arms), accessories for hair…). Phew didn’t I mention elaborate.

I personally love these weddings but lavishness has become an unquestionable custom now. At times bride’s parents may end up spending all their life trying to repay the loan taken for their darling daughter’s marriage. That is when they can afford to get one. Else their daughters might end up being single or worse agree to anybody who is ready to marry them. On a long term this also leads to other social evils like “female foeticide or infanticide” in rural areas. I believed as people become more educated and progressive, they will begin to see the absurdity of spending somebody’s lifetime saving for a single dress and occasion. On the contrary educated people prefer this. The few weddings of wealthy Indians (who get all the media attention) seem to have masked the inability of the other lesser mortals to hold such spectacular weddings. Well I just hope better sense prevails and the big fat Indian Wedding doesn’t actually become a hindrance for others.

Customs and Significance

1. The Central Fireplace(Agni kund) is a ritual to be performed at any important occasion as in a marriage. The Saptapadi (Seven Steps) was a ritual to be performed around a central fireplace called agni-kund. The sacred fire was Vedi. The couple to be married had to go around the Vedi seven times, representing seven days of the week. And symbolising the union of the souls for seven lives.

2.Shoe-Stealing – is a custom where brides sisters steal grooms shoes and demend money to return it back. And the grooms frnds and cousins try to hide the same to prevent shoes getting in girls hands. The South Indian counterparts of this custom(though not very common now ) are getting hold of coconut tied to the grooms hand, groom has to pay the brides sister on arrival aarti…